at my funeral there is going to be a closed casket and then it will be opened to reveal that i am not inside. instead, they will turn on the ceiling fan and my lifeless body will swing around the room while the space jam theme song is playing in the background.
A guy is taking his girlfriend to prom. He waits in the ticket line for a really long time but gets them. He goes to rent a limo. The rental line is really long but he eventually does it. He goes to buy her flowers. The line at the florist is really long but eventually he gets the flowers. At prom, she asks him to go get punch. He goes to the refreshment table and there’s no punchline.
fun facts about russia’s biggest bitch that you probably aren’t aware of: she was the only one in the olympic village to send her competitors plush toys and gifts and wish them luck before events; she has never uttered a single negative phrase about anyone even when urged by the press; she’s carried the entire russian gymnastics team on her back since she rose to (and ultimately fell from) power in 2010, and most importantly — a mere 18 months before the olympics, she had a (usually) career-ending injury which gave her only half of the competition time everyone else did and while unable to compete, she still went to training with her team everyday to chalk the bars, say encouraging words and offer support; oh, and, she was STILL the single most decorated gymnast of the entire quad, while only being active for half of it;her first attempts at full routines after her injury were ON THE OLYMPIC FLOOR. where she won four medals. the most, out of any gymnast, male or female. when no one even thought she’d be recovered enough to claim any individual awards, whatsoever. yes, nbc, she truly is the diva monstrosity you make her out to be.